


Remember

by amethyst_dreams_and_candy_canes



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 11:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethyst_dreams_and_candy_canes/pseuds/amethyst_dreams_and_candy_canes
Summary: This was written for a challenge and it was set to the song Caper's Lullaby by James Horner





	Remember

The mission was supposed to be a simple in and out. Save the hostages and get out without being seen. The intel had been damn near perfect, down to the very leaves that sat high on the trees that provided your cover. So what happened? How’d it all go wrong? HYDRA had found him, your Bucky, and had taken right from under your nose when you went to search another area. You combed the entire strong hold before Natasha had to drag you away because everyone’s cover had been blown. 

“He needs me! I have to help him.” You had cried to her as she and Tony loaded you onto the quinjet. Wanda had promised to help you search for him as you sobbed into Natasha’s chest, her hands rubbing circles in the center of your back. You’d burn down entire cities just to have the love of your life back. Fury suggested that you sit the search and rescue of Bucky out because you were too close, would be too emotional. You wanted to argue with him, defend yourself, but every time you thought of what they may be doing to him, you got sick to your stomach. 

“We found him.” Steve’s voice broke the silence over the coms a week after and your heart nearly stopped at the words. He was found but in what condition? What did they do to him? What was the extent of his injuries? Pushing past Tony, you hurried to the helipad and anxiously awaited their arrival. The roar of the jets sent your nerves into a tisy as it landed and it took every fiber in your body not to run towards the too slow opening doors. There he stood looking perfectly healthy save for a few bruises. Hope surged through you as you assumed everything was ok. You released the breath you were holding and allowed yourself to smile for the first time in days. As he and Steve made their way off the jet and towards the small crowd, you ran up to Bucky and wrapped your arms around his waist. 

“Bucky I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve missed you.” tears pricked your eyes as you hugged him with all your strength. You were so caught up in your own emotions that you didn’t notice your hug not being reciprocated. He shifted under your hold and placed his metal arm at the back of your neck. As you went to nuzzle into him, his grip tightened as he pulled you away from him. You yelped in both pain and surprise as your eyes searched his for an answer. Indifference eyes met yours and your hope plummeted. This was not your Bucky. He looked like him physically with the long brunette hair and large build. He even had the same eyes; electric blue that could cause your heart to melt. But now those eyes were cold and emotionally void. With a grunt he released you and pushed past you into the compound. Stunned, you watched him walk away. Clint’s hand on your shoulder shook you from your daze and you looked to him as the tears began to roll down your face. 

“HYDRA wiped him clean. He doesn’t remember much.” Clint paused as you sniffled and wiped your nose with the back of your hand. “He doesn’t remember you.”

After that day, you made it your goal to help him remember. He had been doing so well before and now you had to start at square one. Per his request and the advisement of Steve, Bucky didn’t return to your room. Steve found it too dangerous considering Bucky’s mental state and feared that he might attack you. Your heart sank as Bucky’s things left your room but you told yourself it was only temporary. Everything will be back to normal. Wouldn’t it?

You had created index cards with a few of the memories you shared. Sticky notes littered the compound of little things you found important enough for him to remember. Steve and Sam even took Bucky to the museum to learn about himself in the historical context. After a month or so of this, he began to remember some things: The guys in his battalion, the perfume his sisters used to wear, the weird way Thor ate apples. But even with all his progress, he still could not recall your relationship with him. When you questioned him about it, he shook his head and walked past you. The pain shot through your chest but you were determined to help him. 

“Knock it off already.” the words rang in your ear as Bucky snatched his hand from yours. You made an attempt to hold it during a briefing which wasn’t out of the norm but for this Bucky it was. You muttered an apology and turned your attention back to Fury who no doubt seen what happened but didn’t draw attention. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you retreated into your mind. Maybe this was your new normal. You’d back off and give him more time. This was only temporary and he’d be back in your arms once more. 

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on? He has.” you laughed bitterly as you ignored the concerned gaze of Wanda. She was right. It had been several months and while Bucky’s memory was improving more and more, him remembering your relationship wasn’t one of them. You had hoped, prayed even, that he would return to you but the fates just wouldn’t allow it. Like a cruel joke, he found solace in Sharon Carter. You wanted to be jealous, be angry. Wanted to shout or scream or something. But instead you felt the crushing weight of reality. This was no longer your Bucky. He was hers now and it hurt. All the plans and dreams you made with him were shattered.

“Thanks for all your help. You’re a good friend.” the words twist your heart and you have to quickly swallow the bile that rises in your throat. You had been asked to accompany Sharon and Sam on a mission in Serbia and elected to be the one to complete the mission report. Bucky and Wanda had met you all on the landing pad, his smile wide. Wanda had made her way over to you and Sam while Bucky embraced Sharon with a smoldering kiss. You tried not to look as a huff passed through your nose. So lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear Bucky mutter the words that made you lightheaded. He gave you a small salute as he wrapped his arm around Sharon’s shoulders and pulled her beside him. You plastered a fake smile as the two began to walk away. With a sigh, you hung your head in defeat. Maybe Wanda was right. It was time to move on. 

The snow fell softly as your tears did the same. The booming bass from the speakers from the party inside moved through your body and sent vibrations through you. The bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon sat mockingly on the rail next to you, as if to remind you how how hard you tried to drown your sorrow. You had willed yourself to get over it, get over him, but as soon as you think you’re over it something else comes up; something like their current engagement party. When they broke the news to the team, you smiled as if there wasn’t a maelstrom brewing within. You tutted and flung the bottle over the railing and watched it shatter on the grass below. 

“That wasn’t very nice.” 

You whirled around to see Bucky standing behind you, his hair pulled into a messy bun. He took a tentative step forward and you had half the thought to jump over the rail and join the glass below. When you didn’t respond, he sighed and looked down shifting from one foot to the other. Unease was written all in his body language. The silence stretched for a long time before he cleared his throat. He went to speak but you cut him off.

“I loved you. I always will.” his brows furrowed but you held your hand up. “Thank you for coming to check on me. I’m fine. Now go. Go enjoy yourself, Barnes.” you smiled as he still regarded you. 

“I’m so sorry. I really don’t remember,” he motioned between the two of you before placing his hands in his pockets. “Us.”

You turned your back to him and looked to the sky as the snow continued to fall. A large flake landed on your lips and you sighed. “It’s ok Bucky. Really and truly.”

You didn’t hear him move as suddenly he embraced you from behind. His arms wrapped around your stomach as he nuzzled his nose into your neck. You rested your head on his and allowed him to hold you. It felt right, like home. But it wasn’t home, it was a lie you had been telling yourself since his return. And you had come to terms with it. You had to. 

“Thank you.” he whispered as he released you. You smiled at him over your shoulder and watched him retreat back to the party. Sighing you turned your head to the sky again and made a wish. A wish that life would be kinder to him because after all he’d been through, he deserved it. A wish that this life would bring him joy and love. With one last look at the falling snow, you vowed to make the wish come true. At all costs.


End file.
